Beliefs

Week of welcome, ice-cream socials, and community dinners around campus guarantee one thing for new students: Meeting new people. So I seem to have spent an awful lot of time talking to North Carolinian freshmen about where they come from, what they study, and how it is so amazing to be away from parents and finally in college. Most of these 2 minute conversations involve single sentences, routine answers, and minimum brain power, so it was a pleasant surprise when I spent an hour on Friday in the library discussing the topic of religion.

I found myself studying in the company of two freshmen who live in the same dorm as myself. After everyone implicitly agreed that studying human cell deterioration, David Hume, and options and futures pricing, (respectively, guess which one is me) was better left for another day, we picked up a more personal topic. The conversation proceeded something like this: "Are you going to church on Sunday?" - "No" - "So you are not a Christian?" - "In Denmark we are protestants; it is common not to attend church" - "So what do you believe in?". The last question hit a sore spot - I could not come up with a satisfactory answer right away. Even after I left the library later that day, I spent much of my time mulling over that statement. Among other things, I found that much confusion comes from inadequate definitions of terms, as well as a desire to create oversimplified, one-sentence punchlines such as "Christianity".

First, the definitions. The questions "Are you Christian" and "Do you believe in God" were identical to my debators, but they are very different for me. I view Christianity to a large part of the Danish culture, history and moral values with which I associate myself, but I don't believe in a personified God. "Belief" was another. I believe the sun will rise tomorrow based on a strong argument (scientific proof, personal experience). I don't believe in Hell, simply because the argument is weak. Finally, the phrase "you must experience God for yourself" instantly triggered the question in my mind: "If you experience something and call it God, what must I experience to use the same term", not to mention the fact that humans are encoded to find causal meaning from everything, even it can be ascribed to chance.

Next, the oversimplifications: I associate Christianity with the Ten Commandments, a moral codex, a part of my upbringing, church on Christmas Eve, and sanctuary for my thoughts. I also associate Christianity with the inquisition, the gospel of Judas, and one of the greatest institutions in human history. I view Jesus as a popular and influential person some 2000 years ago, the Bible as a human creation, and the prevalence of the religion as a political and military accomplishment rather than "the work of God".

So what do I believe? I believe that there is a force (call it power or energy if you wish) which exists beyond our knowledge, and which is part of the reason for life as we know it. I believe that our understanding is limited by our cognitive ability (limited to 3D) and there is a possibility of a discontinuity of time and space, contrary to what we can perceive. I believe that religion is a tool for finding peace and mindfulness for humans, as well as a set of moral values and a code of conduct, and that it can still play an important part in many peoples lives - Vipassana meditation certainly helped me. However, I believe in facts and science rather than tradition and myth, and thus I tend to take a agnostic view on most religious topics. But I cannot escape the fact that I do not have all the answers, and therefore surrender myself to the uncertainty that there is something out there which I cannot comprehend.

What does this mean for me? I am by nature curious to find a coherent meaning in life, but I seem to be quite content with ignoring the large picture such as "where does the world, the universe, come from?". Instead I like to philosophize on what is here and now, such as will a conversion of religion influence my happiness, or can a human being be taught morals and virtue without also learning the fear of doing wrong (in Christianity, you don't murder because otherwise you go to hell).

My conversation ended less fruitfully in the library. I asked whether they thought I could be a decent human being without fearing God. They responded as they had learnt - without embracing the forgiveness of God, I would be condemned for eternity. They were firm believers, based on their own experiences and their relationship with God, and I had no intention of questioning or changing their belief. I have no compelling evidence that they are mistaken, so their view is as qualified as mine. But they seemed reluctant to accept my position, so I smiled, wished them well, and thanked them for our discussion. Then I turned, left the library, and shuttled home to pack my bags - apparently the highway to Hell goes via a friend's Virginian lake house over the weekend!